Thursday: I found out I have another blood clot in the main artery of my leg. My doctor isn't sure how to proceed. Neither is the radiologist on staff. It's old, so it might not cause problems. If I've been walking around with it for a few years, what are my chances now of causing stroke, embolism or aneurism?
Friday: My lab results came through with anemia. Iron pills will fix it.
Saturday: Other lab results came through with high neutrophils. I probably have pre-eclampsia. The test could be wrong.
Most people worry about pink or blue. Polka dots or stripes. What brand of stroller or carseat to buy. How to paint the nursery. I sometimes think that even in the most normal of pregnancies, we distract ourselves to hide the fact that what we, the pregnant women, are doing is inherently somewhat dangerous. In the process of bringing life, it's possible to destroy our own.
My father-in-law, a doctor, says everything can be fixed except death. I'm choosing to think that's true, even as my possibilities of a normal birth diminish. Just once, I'd like to be allowed to focus more on the stripes or the polka dots than the blood disorder or the immature lungs.
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